I Wasn’t There for Her

I feel partially at fault. When she mentioned the lack of central air in her new place and how hot it got while she was at work, I suggested that she leave her window open a crack during the day. I said it would help air circulate through her apartment and keep it from stifling in the summer heat.

That partially-open window gave him a way in.

Read the rest of this story on Anna’s blog, Goannetree.com, where she’s in the midst of a series entitled “16 Days of Action.”

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Coming to My Senses

I walk through the automatic doors into the airlock, fans blasting winter’s chill from my coat. I inhale and think how I could recognize the hospital blindfolded. The hospital’s air sterilizers leave a very distinct lack-of-aroma in the air. As I walk the long concourse to the tower elevators, memories flood with each new scent.

Toasty comfort from the blanket warmers used in anesthesia recovery.

The red-soapyness of betadine, mingled with pungent nose-hair-stiffening isopropyl alcohol swabbed by nurses before pushing hollow needles into veins with skill and a prayer.

For the end of this story, come on over to Deeper Story, where I’m posting today.

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You Aren’t Supposed To Cry at a Thanksgiving Party

Today is Five-Minute Friday, hosted by The Gypsy Mama. She gives a writing prompt and we just write, no editing, for five minutes. Then post. This week the prompt was “Grow.”

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She was so small. The laws said that a baby can’t face forward in a car-seat until they weigh 20 pounds, and most babies reach that by age 1. She was two and a half before she weighed 20 pounds. We mixed her formula to 30 calories/ounce (it’s normally 20 calories/ounce), just to keep her from losing weight. When she died at age 8 ½, she was still under 50 pounds.

Ellie in her Kid Kart

He is growing well. He would graze all day long if I let him. The doctors printed off his growth chart at the last check-up and he’s actually in the 70th percentile for one measure, 50th for the other two. I can’t express the relief at seeing his growth curve smack-dab in the middle of the chart instead of a flat line underneath like his big sister’s was.

Yesterday we attended his Thanksgiving party at preschool. They sang “I am thankful for the Lord….” complete with motions and hip-shaking. Scott and I were thinking the same thing as we watched him throw his entire being into the songs – “Thank you God that he can do normal preschool things like this.”

I wasn’t expecting to find his class directed to the smaller chapel at the end of the party. I hadn’t been there since Elli’s memorial service over 3 years ago. I felt sick as I walked towards that room. I cried as I watched the 3 and 4-year-olds jump and laugh and sing in the same space where we sang and cried and laughed in celebration of Elli.

My son is growing where she did not, and sometimes it hurts.

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Don’t forget to add your life:unmasked post to the linky this week. Everyone linked by midnight Saturday will be entered to win a GIVEN t-shirt for World Vision!

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